I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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