Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
