please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i want to swaddle you in tequila
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
