dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
