at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
