I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
