Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
