My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
