The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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