Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize