Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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