Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
