please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
