I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if only i could text you this smell
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
