I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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