And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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