i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
