I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
