i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
