either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm always down for nudity.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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