All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize