I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
