I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
