I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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