She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
