I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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