A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
