The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
be right there i have to get my cape
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
