There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
