You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
