I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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