First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
