Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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