I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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