Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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