U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
