period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
