I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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