He felt like a one man threesome
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize