If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
