Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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