She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
if only i could text you this smell
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
