Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize