Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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