i wish my penis had a tongue
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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