I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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