Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
