i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
