Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize