I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
