i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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