What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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