Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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