Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
