apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
sex in a hospital.. check
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
