okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
