recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
