So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My vagina just recognized that song.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
