so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
