I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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