The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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