I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
