I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
