Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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