Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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