So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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