I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
