well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I touched a dick in church today
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