i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The uberlube is also flammable
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
