I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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