Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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