dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
