and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
