you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
