also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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