Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
