Cold hands, warm shart.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
