You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
