I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
