To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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