the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I know her cup size but not her name....
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
