We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
