I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i would punch a child for taco bell
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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