Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
