He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
