oh god the rape fog is back!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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