I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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