community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize