I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
