no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
