She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize