i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize