oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
